Adults rarely want to think about children being in the hospital and we especially hate the thought of children grieving over the death of a loved one.  However, I would like to urge parents and those who teach children to consider giving serious and intentional thought to children and grief.  Many parents like to protect their children as much as possible, but sometimes it is important to allow children to learn some of the difficult lessons in life in a “controlled” environment.  This will help equip children with better coping skills for a part of life that is beyond our control. We all know, at least intellectually, that death is a part of life yet many adults still struggle with facing the harsh realities of this part of life.  One theory that I have about why death is so difficult for some people is that some children have been so shielded from death that they are not prepared to cope with death even in adulthood.  I have known people who never even attended a funeral until adulthood.  It has been my experience that when those adults have to deal with death for the first time, because someone very close to them has died, it is extremely difficult. Some parents might fear that it will be awkward for a parent to allow their child to accompany them to the funeral of someone the child knew simply because they attended the same church; however, this can be an invaluable learning experience.  It provides parents with an opportunity to share age appropriate information.  Open and honest talk with children about death and dying can help to take away some of the fear of the unknown.

I also think that it is extremely important for church libraries to include children’s books on grief.  It has been my experience that when parents need these resources, they need them – IMMEDIATELY!  Many parents feel ill prepared to explain death to children, but when life throws us into a situation, we need to put our hands on helpful resources immediately. If your church has a library, I encourage you to stock it with some of the following resources, so that families can utilize them when the need arises.

Books on Grief and Loss for Families & Children

I’ll Always Love You, by Hans Wilhem (Boy mourns death of his dog)

It Must Hurt A Lot, by D. Sanford (Focus on Child’s reaction and feelings toward death of his dog; General grief education)

Jackie Jack: The Brave Little Boy, by Orlet & Orlet (Simple story about a parent’s love for a child, beginning with his birth, experiencing his illness and ending with his death)

Life and Loss: A Guide to Help Grieving Children, by Linda Goldman (A guidebook for helping children cope with loss)

Losing Someone You Love: When a Brother or Sister Dies, by E. Richter (Kids talk openly about their feelings about their sibling’s death)

Lost and Found: Remembering a Sister, by Ellen Yeomans (A young girl wonders what her family will be like after her sister’s death)

Love and Remembrance, by Margot Kenefick Burkle (A memory book for families who have lost a child)

Lulu’s Rose-Colored Glasses, by Gretchan A Pyne (Positive story of grief/loss of child)

Mick Harte Was Here, by Barbara Park (Discusses the death of a brother from a bicycle accident; for older children)

My Grieving Journal Book, by D. & E. Shavatt (A workbook for children coping with a loss; for ages 6-12)

My Memory Book, by G. Gaines-Lane (Journal for grieving children)

Nadia the Willful, by Sue Alexander (After the death of her brother, Nadia’s father, the sheik, decrees that no one shall mention his name. Nadia finds a way to keep her brother’s memory alive.)

Next Place, by Warren Hanson (Explores the thought and comfort of “The Next Place” we might go when we die)

No New Baby, by Marilyn Gryte (Grandma tries to explain why her granddaughter’s newborn sister had died; ages 4-8)

No Smile Cookies Today, by Kathy Trapp (A mother helps her daughter cope with the death of the baby)

On the Wings of a Butterfly: A Story about Life and Death, by Marilyn Maple (A young cancer patient’s illness and death are paralleled to the life of a caterpillar)

Written by: Rev. Stephanie Brown

Stephanie Brown is currently serving as a Patient Experience Coordinator at LeBonheur Children’s Hospital, in Memphis, TN.  She has served as a Chaplain in hospitals and our Children’s Home.  Stephanie is the wife of Chuck Brown and they have two adult sons, and a daughter-in-law.